The Burning Question: What Boat Do You Need to Burn?

Hi readers, I thought I would branch out a little bit and share in Danielle LaPorte’s “the burning question” series. Every once in a while, she sends out a question for us all to reflect on and share.

This week’s question: WHAT BOAT DO YOU NEED TO BURN?

A ton of stuff came up while reading this post. All were things that have served me in the past, but no longer do. And while I could write about a bunch of them, I know we don’t have that much time so here is one that has been feeling really icky for quite some time:

BEING NICE TO EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME.

I was raised to be a “nice” girl, to always be polite and smile often. To never show my feelings of disagreement or (especially) of anger. My insecurities through adolescence made me believe that if I wasn’t nice to everyone all of the time, no one would like me. I wouldn’t have lots of friends and I wouldn’t be validated. Many of those limiting beliefs have been carried with me, across the country and across a decade. I now find myself smiling when I don’t feel like it, laughing at jokes that I don’t think are funny and not speaking up for myself as often as I would like. I keep a lot of my feelings to myself (or to my husband and kitty, who get an earful), even when I know I need to let them out. Being a kapha to the core, most people can pick up on my loving nature. And don’t get me wrong, 95% of the time I am that super compassionate, motherly, caring and gentle woman. It’s just the 5% leftover that gets left behind, hidden away for a more “appropriate” time that kills me.

Of course, there is no right or wrong time/place for your emotions. And although being sweet, passive and accommodating has made socializing and creating relationships easy, I know it hasn’t attracted the right kinds of folks into my life. I can easily think of half a dozen toxic relationships I have had in the past (uh, hello “best friend” who bailed on my bridal shower and couldn’t even call?) and even further issues of all-around yuckiness that have consistently resurfaced from me not always speaking my truth.

The thing is, I DO like being a nice person. I get along with folks really well and I am one of the most laid back people I know. But when something is bothering me, someone is getting on my nerves, or I just know that something isn’t resonating right, I need to burn that “nice or bust” boat and just speak from the heart.

It won’t always be easy. But I will be sharing my authentic self, for better or worse. I need to let go of that boat which no longer serves me and make space for 100 percent of who I truly am.

So, it’s your turn: what boat do you need to burn?